Being There for a Friend with Cancer

When someone is battling cancer, they often need ongoing support, encouragement, and friendship. Many cancer patients now receive treatment outside of the hospital, which can mean they may rely on friends more than ever for practical help and emotional care.

The Importance of Friendship During Cancer

Studies show that cancer survivors with strong social support systems adjust better, have a more optimistic outlook, and enjoy a higher quality of life. Being there for a friend with cancer can make a real difference in their journey. Here are some practical ways you can lend your support.

 

How You Can Help: Notes and Calls

Maintaining regular contact helps show that you care and that your friendship is as strong as ever, despite any changes.

• Send regular, brief notes or calls to let them know you’re thinking of them.

• Ask questions and let them share as much as they wish.

• Follow up by letting them know you’ll reach out again and keeping your promise.

• Choose call times that work for them, or set times for them to reach out to you.

• Respond to their messages quickly to show you’re there for them.

• Check in with caregivers to see what else they might need.

 

How You Can Help: Visits

Visits can ease feelings of isolation and remind your friend of life before cancer.

• Call ahead to confirm it’s a good time, and be flexible if they aren’t feeling up to a visit.

• Visit briefly and often rather than long, infrequent visits, allowing your friend to pace their energy.

• Offer to sit with them while their caregiver takes a break.

• Bring something small to share, like a treat or snack.

• Suggest activities like watching a favorite show, listening to music, or reading a section of a book.

• Bring your own activity (like needlework or a crossword puzzle) if your friend wants company without much conversation.

 

How You Can Help: Conversation

It’s okay to not have all the right words; often, simply listening and being present is the best support.

• Listen without feeling pressured to always respond; sometimes they just need a listener.

• Steer the conversation towards light-hearted or meaningful topics like pets, favorite hobbies, or travel.

• Involve them in conversation by asking their opinions or advice.

• Give gentle compliments like “You look well-rested today” to lift their spirits.

• Respect their feelings even if they seem quiet or withdrawn. Avoid urging them to “stay strong” if they need space to feel vulnerable.

• Include them in group conversations and never assume they can’t hear you, even if they seem distant or tired.

• Refrain from medical advice unless they ask, respecting their chosen care plan.

 

How You Can Help: Errands and Tasks

Sometimes the smallest tasks can feel like a mountain, so offering help with errands can be invaluable.

• Run errands or help with household tasks like grocery shopping or lawn care.

• Support the caregiver with tasks to help ease their responsibilities as well.

• Organize a schedule of tasks with other friends or family members to ensure regular support.

• Plan ahead with your friend’s input to respect their preferences.

• Include them in social plans and allow them to decide if it’s manageable.

Suggested tasks include:

• Preparing a weekly lunch for your friend and caregiver

• Helping with household cleaning or lawn care

• Babysitting, pet-sitting, or caring for plants

• Taking their children to extracurricular activities

 

How You Can Help: Support Ideas

While some friends find it challenging to accept help, keep offering your support in ways that feel meaningful to them.

• Offer emotional support through your presence, touch, or company.

• Help their caregiver to lighten the load on both of them.

• Suggest practical ways you can help, and make sure to follow through on these offers.

• Seek donations for any medical equipment or financial support if they need help covering treatments.

 

How You Can Help: Gifts

Small, thoughtful gifts can bring moments of comfort and joy. Focus on items that make life a little easier or add a bit of fun.

• Choose practical or fun items they can use immediately.

• Encourage no need for thank-you notes; the gift is from the heart.

Gift ideas include:

• Cozy socks, hats, or scarves

• Silky pillowcases for comfort

• Personal care items like scented lotion or a heating pad

• Books, audiobooks, or soothing music

• Fun movies or lighthearted games

What to Avoid

• Avoid giving unsolicited advice or judgment.

• Respect their independence at work and don’t assume they can’t handle responsibilities.

• Keep conversation balanced without always focusing on cancer.

• Avoid pushing your friend to stay strong or happy if they need time to process.

• Do not assume you understand their experience, as everyone’s journey is different.

By following these thoughtful steps, you can make a meaningful difference in the life of a friend facing cancer.